“Whom have I in heaven but you?”
— a question that rearranges desire.
I have learned to pray with a list. Needs named. Outcomes imagined. Silence tolerated only long enough to organize my requests. Somewhere along the way, prayer became transactional—earnest, faithful, and oddly distant.
Today I wondered how this sounds from the other side. How often I come seeking gifts while barely noticing the Giver. The thought unsettled me, not with guilt, but with a quiet sadness.
I tried something simpler. I came without an agenda. No items to present. No future to negotiate. I stayed for the company rather than the exchange.
It felt awkward at first, like visiting a friend and forgetting why I came. But slowly, the awkwardness softened. There was nothing to accomplish, only presence to receive.
Perhaps blessing has less to do with answered requests than with reordered desire. If I could learn to want God more than what He gives, I suspect joy would come quietly, and stay longer.
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